Hello Beautiful People,
So I have contemplated writing this post for a while now, for obvious reasons; but in an effort to be transparent and generate genuine conversation – HERE GOES.
Let’s start with a little context, I grew up in a Jamaican home with church and God at the foundation – both characteristics I love dearly. However with that upbringing there comes certain expectations. Like many ethnic parents the push toward academic excellence is without question. No matter how well you did on an assignment – there was always room for improvement and my mother made certain I knew this. I am actually extremely grateful my mom was persistent in pushing me to do greater, it’s given me the drive to propel further in academia; but I digress.
Jamaican parents see their children’s future very simply – nothing too complicated or outrageous, here are the steps:
- Graduate high school (on the honour roll of course)
- Pursue post-secondary education (and don’t even consider “taking a year off”)
- Become a:
(Those are the options – please stick to the script and don’t complicate things.)
After a couple of years establishing yourself in your career – you get to my favourite…
No. 4: GET MARRIED
Forgive me, I just turned 25 in December so this phenomenon of the marital status query is still quite new to me. It’s as though as soon as you hit 25 alongside the Facebook notification alerting people of your birthday, there is also a note that says “Be sure to ask when they are getting married!!!!”
I will never understand why people feel the need to highlight your singledom at someone else’s wedding. I just attended the wedding of my good friends and I was so excited to honour them as it was their day! Still I found myself regurgitating my rehearsed “Waiting on the Lord…” and “Trusting God’s timing!” Both of which are valid mind you – it’s just do we have to do this here, and now!?
And can we just cut the ‘When is it going to be your turn?’ – question altogether? How would you really like me to answer that?
Or how about ‘April Fools Day’?
I really don’t know what kind of answer you are hoping to get from me…
Sometimes I wonder if it has occurred to anyone that we old single maids are busy getting our careers and lives in check so we can bring the best possible versions of ourselves to a marriage. Or that we are taking time to pray about finding the right person. Well… that’s a post for another day.
Seriously though, as you read this please do not leave thinking “Oh gee, she’s clearly hypersensitive about marriage – I better not ask her about it!” NO, I am not going to burst into a flood of emotions because someone asks me if I am still single – I am quite alright in fact. I just wanted to share this post to challenge norms, provoke thought and stimulate conversation surrounding why it seems we have put time restraints on our futures.
Now don’t get me wrong – this is not some single woman’s manifesto. I do want to get married someday – when the time is right. I just have no intention of rushing into something only to discover I have jumped the broom with the wrong person.
So while I wait, I commit to being completely and entirely UNBOTHERED.